I’m enjoying 7th Heaven more now that I know there are no new episodes. In last week’s episode we got to see Martin. Since I only watched the last season sporadically, I believe that this is first time I’ve seen Martin since watching the series finale. It was difficult to look at him because of his massive eyebrows– it’s all you can think of when looking at him: eyebrows. I have never seen such ginormous eyebrows– they are even bigger than Peter Gallagher’s, and at least with Peter, you can focus on other aspects of him, but with Martin (I don’t know the actor’s name) I just kept staring at the eyebrows. They are of an unnatural shape, and very dense, and very neat. He doesn’t have a unibrow, and there are no stragglers, so somebody somewhere plucked his eyebrows and left them like that, either thinking that he looked great, or it was a practical joke. I can only conclude that his eyebrows look like that, on purpose. They are the most fascinating eyebrows in cancelled television history.

As usual, not much happened in the episode. Eric has a crazy dream, he wakes up and feels that he’s cured, while others speculate that he’s dying or getting a divorce– it’s all the same in their world.

The Twins are abandonned by their parents and siblings. They are not perturbed by their lack of guardian, and contemplate ordering take-out since no one has fed them.

Ruthie decides that she’s no longer in love with Martin, but then Martin and his eyebrows choose this opportunity to declare their undying love for her. The dialogue is cringeworthy. The worst part is that Ruthie looks like she may be swayed by this drivel. Luckily, since I have already seen the finale, I know that she declines Eyebrows, narrowly missing an opportunity to acquire an untold number of communicable diseases.

I watched a bit of 7th Heaven last night. I believe this episode takes place after T-Bone has dumped Ruthie. It turns out that T-Bone is sad that he broke up with Ruthie and he’s pining away and eating a lot of pizza. Ruthie starts hanging out with Martin, who is also seeing Blondie on the side. I don’t know the names of the new people, so Blondie is the blonde girl, and Redhead is the other one. The Redhead, Blondie, and Mac are all living together. Redhead and Mac are not very good actors. Mac gets Redhead to write a paper for him but then he is caught cheating. Mac thinks that he should get a reward for having people read her work. It’s as stupid as it sounds.

Martin tells both Blondie and Ruthie that the other is ‘just a friend’. This is not true. Heh. Later in the episode DuffGirl gets engaged to the doctor guy. She calls Martin to tell him the news and he’s upset that she’s going to marry doctor guy. It’s implied that he’s saying things like ‘but I thought you were in love with me’ and ‘why won’t you marry me instead’ or some such equivalent garbage. Martin is not actually in this episode, I guess the actor had better things to do, so everything that he says is implied or quoted by the other characters. It’s very strange. Blondie thinks she’s in love with Martin, but she also realizes that perhaps he’s not the right guy for her. Though she still needs to discuss the situation with Annie. She asks specifically to speak to Annie alone, but Eric insists on eavesdropping. After she’s finished talking to Annie, Ruthie comes home, and Annie suggests that the two of them talk about Martin. So in the end, they find out that he’s been seeing both of them.

Annie feeds the Twins two hot dogs for dinner and they are also expecting chocolate cake, but she’s intent on saving the cake for when T-Bone’s potential dad arrives at the house. The Twins are still hungry so they ask for a third hot dog. And they get it. These kids are 5 or 6 years old (I think). What kind of dinner is hot dogs? And why do they need three of them? Isn’t there anything else in the fridge?

The CW Network is showing 7th Heaven reruns this summer. I caught part of an episode last night. Apparently the Camdens find out that Eric isn’t doing so well, and they suspect that he might be dying (or something). Everything is kept rather vague so the words ‘dying’ and ‘death’ aren’t mentioned. However, I was unable to watch the entire episode due to intense eye-rolling and bouts of nausea, which were induced by the idiotic dialogue and plot, so it is possible that these things were explained properly and I missed it. But not likely. Eric and Annie go to Scotland to bring their daughter back to America. Ruthie is not happy to see her parents and does NOT want to go back to Cali. She says ‘… but I’ve got plans here! For Thanksgiving I was going to party with the other American kids here at this pub that we all hang out in, and the owner was going to cook us a turkey! And over Christmas, I was going to go Switzerland and go skiing! When will I ever get the chance to learn how to ski in Switzerland?!’ Annie is not as outraged as she should be and leaves Ruthie in her room. Eric is absent from the episode and is only mentioned in passing. Lucy calls Ruthie and tries to convince her not to be so selfish and to come home. Ruthie doesn’t understand why she has to drop her ‘life’ and come home, just because her (dying) father requested it. Lucy is appalled at Ruthie’s selfish behaviour and she tells Ruthie that they (Lucy and Kevin) are no longer going to pay for her Scottish gallivanting. Ruthie has no reply. In the end, Ruthie sadly packs to go home. It seems that she spends a lot of time in her dorm room and there are no friends to be seen. There’s brief mention of some boy, whom Annie suspects might have been a boyfriend, but Ruthie admits that he wasn’t really a boyfriend, but she was interested in him. Annie thought that she wanted to stay in Scotland for a boy, and she’s happy to find out that is not true. Ruthie tells her that she wanted to stay in Scotland for herself and she doesn’t know if she can face her father and handle ‘everything’. We still don’t really know what everything is. Back in America, the whole town is gossiping about what is wrong with Eric and someone suggests that maybe him and Annie are getting a divorce.

In other juvie news, Martin has asked Sandy to marry him. She has said yes. The back story is that Sandy was seeing some other guy, Martin was jealous and tried to worm his way back into Sandy’s life. Sandy broke up with the new guy and agreed to marry Martin. Mac, the sleazeball friend of Martin, who was interested in dating Ruthie, goes to visit Sandy, at Martin’s request, to ask if their marriage ‘will be a conjugal one’. I am not using euphemisms here, that is a direct quite from the show. They go on bantering about ‘conjugals’ and then Sandy asks Mac if it was Martin who sent him over to ask this. Such ridiculousness. Then Sandy asks if the only reason Martin asked her to marry him is so that she would stop seeing the new guy. Mac replies with ‘Why does it matter why he wants to marry you?’ This show disgusts me on so many levels.

Mac is the equivalent of Veronica Mars’ Dick Casablancas, but Mac is not nearly as entertaining, and he’s perhaps more disturbing and ultimately more irritating.

The three ‘new kids’ end a scene sitting on a bench, wallowing about their sad little lives. One of them regrets starting the Eric rumours (the blonde, who is married and wants a divorce), one is seeking to emancipate himself from his escort mom (this is T-Bone, Ruthie’s future husband-in-waiting) and the other one, a redhead, whose mother was abused by her dad, is the future-wife of the idiot Mac.

The Twins were total morons. Apparently they begged for and acquired some hamsters. A few days later they ‘got tired of them’ so they wanted to send them to the animal shelter ASAP. Kevin lectured them and told them that they had to be more responsible and that they couldn’t just get rid of things when they didn’t want them anymore, and that if you agree to take care of something then you have to keep taking care of it. This theme was present throughout the episode. T-Bone yells at his mom that she shouldn’t have had him if she didn’t want him in the first place. And then there was some back and forth about selfishness.

The show ends with the three ‘new kids’ going to church with Lucy, who is giving the sermon since Eric is away. Lucy is surprisingly mature in this episode, and there is no whining, or at least, there wasn’t in the 15 minutes that I watched.

Sadly, that episode of 7th Heaven, as terrible as it was, was the most interesting TV show in that time slot.

Related posts:

7th Heaven Series Finale Recap: It didn’t suck.

7th Heaven Sucks: The penultimate episode. Again.

7th Heaven: ALL Posts

Haven’t had a chance to read it yet, but I’m sure it’s great. And much more entertaining than actually watching the show. Here’s the link.

Related posts:

7th Heaven Series Finale Recap: It didn’t suck.

7th Heaven Sucks: The penultimate episode. Again.

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I was reading the TWoP 7th Heaven board and I was reminded of some of the other crap featured in the finale that I had somehow forgotten.

1. At the beginning of the episode Eric and Annie have sex in the RV. Afterwards, they know they will see their kids upon re-entering the house, yet they don’t bother to tuck in or button up shirts properly and then they pretend like they were just out at the grocery store, when everyone knows they were christening the RV. Ew. I totally blocked that from my mind.

2. As one of his three RV items, CamedenTwin1 or 2 brought along a black and white 8 x 10 photo of Angelina Jolie. It was bizarre. He’s got this creepy smile on his face as he hands the picture to his dad, Eric. Eric looks a bit puzzled and then he hands the picture back to his son and lets him board. It was a very weird scene, there was no dialogue and I kept fixating on the picture.

3. Eric decides not to tell the church he’s leaving, even though he’s not planning to come back. He’s lined up guest speakers for the next few weeks and then when he feels like it, he’ll inform the church.

That’s all for now.

Related posts:

7th Heaven: The Series Finale. It didn’t suck.
7th Heaven Sucks: The penultimate episode. Again.

The last episode of 7th Heaven aired on Sunday night, I taped it so I could fast-forward when necessary. I was quite shocked. I kept waiting for my usual feelings of disgust, but they never surfaced. For 7th Heaven, this was a really decent episode. There was some crap and fake-outs, but overall it was a good way to end the series.

The crap:

An RV shows up from Eric’s parents, so he decides that the very next day he will pack up his family [Ruthie, twins, random house guests, Annie] and go on a meandering trip across the country. Lucy thinks it’s a crazy idea, and then decides she wants to go too. In the end, all 52 cast members, except for Martin, get on the RV. Even Sandy and her gynaecologist boyfriend decide to go. Eric instates a one small bag plus three personal items rule. They spend 5 of their 43 allotted episode minutes clarifying that a cell phone plus charger equals one item. Ruthie brings ‘The DaVinci Code’. Blech.

The fake-outs:

They alluded to Eric dying in his sleep and that his heart problems might not really be gone. I thought they might end the show with Eric’s death and then a funeral, which would have been more realistic, given his ongoing heart problems (the focus of the season, apparently), but nobody watches 7th Heaven for ‘realism’, so there would be no point in that type of ending.

At one point I also thought that maybe Ruthie and T-Bone had gotten married during recess, since after school T-Bone told Eric that Ruthie had a surprise for them. T-Bone said it wasn’t a huge surprise, so I knew Ruthie couldn’t be pregnant. Turns out the big surprise is that Ruthie can graduate from high school because of her extra credits in ‘Scotland’. So this lets her travel in the RV indefinitely without having to go back for a senior year.

The Surprises:

1. The twins can finally speak in complete sentences and I can understand each word that they say. There is still a hint of the babyish slurring, but it’s not so terrible in the grand scheme of things.

2. Ruthie tells Martin that she’s not interested in him, and that she loves someone else, whose name is still tattooed on her back. Martin and I get the impression that she’s just staying with T-Bone because of the tattoo [in the world of 7th Heaven this is logical], but Ruthie clarifies that T-Bone is really nice and treats her well, etc. Martin realizes that he is an ass, and he’s not getting anywhere with Ruthie so he gives up. He was only semi-sad that after all of Ruthie’s pining that he didn’t succeed. I was worried that they were going put Ruthie and Martin together for the finale, which would be so typical of the dreck that is 7th Heaven. I was quite happily surprised when they handled it relatively quickly and we never had to see Martin again for the rest of the show.

3. Ruthie alludes to Simon being married, but it is not confirmed. That is pretty decent continuity, since Ruthie has always known all the family secrets before anyone else. Simon’s not on the show anymore, but they mention that they will be paying him a visit on the RV trip. They are planning on attending his graduation, which they had forgot about until yesterday because they forgot to open the mail for months. Apparently they do not know how to use the phone, or internet to contact Simon.

The end:

The beginning of the ending is an extended musical montage with no dialogue. Everyone lines up to have their three personal items inspected by Eric before they are allowed to board the RV. The last scene is Eric’s face, he’s smiling as he starts up the RV, ready to drive off into the sunset.

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7th Heaven Sucks: The penultimate episode. Again.

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I have not been watching 7th Heaven this year, but since the season finale is approaching I have been reading the episode blurbs. I have gathered that this season Ruthie started dating T-Bone, yet another random boy who moves into the Camden house. Ruthie then got a tattoo of T-Bone’s name, somewhere on her body. A few weeks later she decided that she didn’t want the tattoo anymore and since her parents were also not happy with the tattoo, she wrongfully assumes that they will pay for her tattoo removal. She’s pissed when they won’t so she asks T-Bone for the money, but the parents shut that down because they feel that she should pay for the tattoo removal herself, since she made the decision to get the tattoo in the first place. [This is the first display of rational parental behaviour I have ever seen on 7th Heaven] By this time, Ruthie and T-Bone are pre-engaged, whatever that means, so she argues that since they are going to spend the rest of their lives together that what’s his is hers, so by using his money, she’s actually using her own money. Eric then questions why she needs to have the tattoo removed if they are going to spend eternity together in wedded bliss. Neither of them has an answer. Ruthie squirms away and starts hanging out with Martin. T-Bone looks dejected. They break up. In other news, Savannah is all grown up, and she’s really cute. Her parents, Lucy and Kevin, are still nutjobs. That’s all I know for sure. I believe the twins still can’t speak in full sentences even though they must be in Grade 2 by now.

In tonight’s episode, Ruthie and T-Bone, who were pre-engaged, and then not engaged, are now going to engage themselves yet again. However, Martin is suddenly in love with Ruthie, so I think he’s going to propose as well. You see, in the 7th Heaven world, a girl is not allowed to graduate from high school unless she’s engaged to be married, or married. So now Ruthie has to choose between two really great guys! One of them, Martin, impregnated Sandy (Haylie Duff) and then took off, but once he found out that someone else wanted to marry Sandy, he decides to come back and try to get Sandy to marry him instead. Now he’s apparently abandonned his child and the Duff to chase after yet another girl who’s about to be pre-engaged. It’s the circle of life.

In the finale blurb, Annie and Eric are going to drive cross-country in an RV, thereby further polluting the universe with their continued existence. Awesome.

Related posts:

7th Heaven: The Series Finale. It didn’t suck.

7th Heaven: redux

There is absolutely no entertainment value left in 7th Heaven, not even as a show to hate. Ruthie and Simon are gone from the cast. Martin has facial hair and has turned into Ruthie- he’s now obsessed with Sandy because it his kid afterall, not SImon’s. Sandy wants to be a minister now, and Martin is also thinking about doing the same, just to be in the same school as Sandy. It’s crazy. Lucy gets on the pulpit and blames her husband for her miscarriage. Everyone lets her rant to the whole congregation. And then afterwards she says she ‘I can’t believe I did that!’ Crazy. I fast forwarded through most of it. The twins still can’t talk. Jewel is the next door neighbour whose singing Lucy can’t stand because she’s so angry, but at the end of the episode everything is hunky dory and Lucy requests that she sing the song. I hate them all. I wonder how long it took them to write this episode.

I can’t believe they cancelled Everwood because of this crapfest.

I can’t watch this show again.

The purpose of the last episode of 7th Heaven is to disgust people every 5-10 minutes.

-Matt squirts 1/2 cup of mayonnaise onto a sandwich
-Flashback of Mary trying to practice kissing with Matt– her BROTHER, in the backyard.
-Umberto talking
-Umberto kissing Rose on the lips.
-Umberto kissing Rose on the hand.
Commercial Break

Simon declares that he and Rose almost broke up last night, but in the end decided to get married. Simon compares getting married to jumping off a bridge to his death, but now he thinks it will be like jumping into a new life.

Lucy and Matt gang up on Simon and tell him he doesn’t love Rose and they shouldn’t get married. Or something. Then Simon says ‘I love Rose, but…’

OH. MY. GOD. Get rid of the Umberto asshat. He tells Eric that he’s going to try and talk Simon out of marrying Rose. He’s already propositioned her several times in the last few episodes and in the beginning of this episode. Umberto declares his love for Rose to Eric.

Annie and Eric start fantasizing about how the wedding will NOT happen. Enter the fake wedding fantasies:
Eric fantasizes that Simon wavers and Rose threatens to kill Simon if he leaves her. Annie sees Rose backing out at the alter.
Next, Eric fantasizes Mary will burst into the church to say that the marriage isn’t right. And Eric thinks Mary is so dumb that she can’t remember what a globe is called. End fantasy. In real time, they decide they should just go see what happens and Eric calls Annie ‘babe.’ EW.

This has got to be the WORST finale ever. They did a total mind fuck with the audience. After the three idiotic wedding fantasies they cut to the reception and allude to the fact that they’ve never seen a wedding like that before and crap like that. So you don’t know what happened at the wedding. Then they announce that everybody is having twins, Mary, Lucy and Sarah. Carlos is talking to Mary on the phone and we find out Mary is graduating from college this weekend too, but it’s a secret from the rest of the family. She wants it to be a surprise. The Scottish boy shows up again to hit on Ruthie and he uses nail polish remover to get rid of the drawn-on mustaches that the Twins put on at the beginning of the episode.

They show Simon and Rose together and they look happy, so you think they got married, then they do their first dance, then the father cuts in, then Umberto cuts in, and Simon looks from the side with Eric and Annie. Eric asks if those two will get married and Simon says yes, because Rose wants to get married.

Then Sandy comes in with the baby and tells Simon they have to talk, alluding to the fact that the baby might be Simon’s or something, but that’s the last line of the show. The last line of the show went to the idiot Sandy. WORST SHOW EVER.

Then they spent some money on a crane shot to pull away from the scene, and miraculously all the guests at the reception that were there 10 minutes ago, have disappeared. They also spent money on a Roy Orbison song to roll over the ‘then and now’ clips of the cast.

Edit: Here’s the real last episode finale recap, since it came back from the dead.

My first few thoughts on the episode: These people have no idea what should be contained in a season finale. They showed Matt making a sandwich: They showed him getting the bread, taking the coldcuts out of the fridge, opening the container, and sifting through the meat for the sandwich. Then I switched the channel. I tuned back in for the last two minutes and saw Rose and Simon dancing and I was happy that the writers decided that they should get married and be happy. ‘Cause to end the show by having the wedding stopped would be really stupid. If it was going to be stopped then why not stop the wedding earlier and have a better story for a grand finale? So I was satisfied with the ending and then Umberto asks Rose to dance and I realize that there was no wedding. Apparently they both couldn’t go through with it. Then Sandy shows up and tells Simon that they need to talk. blech.

I have taped the episode so I can see what happens in total. Apparently the preview of Mary stopping the wedding was just a fantasy sequence. She never does show up for the wedding, but she calls later and we see that she’s pregnant. The episode ends with individual pictures of the original cast, then and now…except the Twins are not included in the montage.

I think the thing I hate most about this episode is Umberto. He is the worst character ever. We’re given no reason for Rose to want to be with the lump that is Umberto.